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Davey C
Div 2 Pro
Joined: 01 Jun 2008
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 Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 10:23 am Post subject: Drivers. |
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Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
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Davey C
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 10:26 am Post subject: |
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WHEN visiting a motorway service station for a cup of tea and a slice of cake, make sure you arrange your bank loan or second mortga ge before you get to the tills, saving time and embarrassment.
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Badger
E, Gold
Joined: 14 Jun 2004
Posts: 2822
Location: Trying not to say 'basically'
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 11:05 am Post subject: |
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Is Viz still going?
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mug source code table remote plate magazine gel |
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Davey C
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 11:08 am Post subject: |
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| Badger wrote: |
| Is Viz still going? |
Yep 
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16mm
E, Silver
Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 533
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 11:23 am Post subject: |
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| Parents: Save money on a babysitter by going to a restaurant down the street, and popping back every hour or so to check the kids are OK. |
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martin smith
World Champ
Joined: 09 Jun 2003
Posts: 12187
Location: shoehorning kittens into jars
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 11:31 am Post subject: |
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| 16mm wrote: |
| Parents: Save money on a babysitter by going to a restaurant down the street, and popping back every hour or so to check the kids are OK. |
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. |
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DNAse
E, Gold
Joined: 24 Feb 2006
Posts: 2414
Location: Oxfordshire
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 2:23 pm Post subject: |
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| 16mm wrote: |
| Parents: Save money on a babysitter by going to a restaurant down the street, and popping back every hour or so to check the kids are OK. |
Sent in by Mr And Mrs McCann
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"Train?! Training is for people with no natural ability!" |
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JONNO
Div 1 Pro
Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Posts: 9031
Location: Up North
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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Lady drivers: Draw a little diagram on a Post-it showing the position of the hand brake and gear stick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green.
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I was being chased by a police dog last week, and made the mistake of trying to escape through a little tunnel, over a see-saw and through a hoop of fire. It finally caught me as I was weaving in and out of some sticks. |
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JONNO
Div 1 Pro
Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Posts: 9031
Location: Up North
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:02 pm Post subject: |
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Lady drivers: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.
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I was being chased by a police dog last week, and made the mistake of trying to escape through a little tunnel, over a see-saw and through a hoop of fire. It finally caught me as I was weaving in and out of some sticks. |
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Davey C
Div 2 Pro
Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 5745
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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Men. When listening to the stereo, turn it to the volume you desire, then down 3 notches. This saves your wife having to do it 2 minutes later.
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Hans Datdodishes
T de F Winner
Joined: 28 Feb 2002
Posts: 28370
Location: On the Superior Forum with the cool kids
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:34 pm Post subject: |
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sexist pigs
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World Masters Drive HillClimb For Taureans Category C Champion 2013.
I'm a qualified coach. |
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mattr
World Champ
Joined: 16 Apr 2004
Posts: 12647
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Davey C wrote: |
| Men. When listening to the stereo, turn it to the volume you desire, then down 3 notches. This saves your wife having to do it 2 minutes later. |
I will confess to having got hold of the wrong knob on the dashboard when turning the A/C up, and winding Faithless up to 11.
Instead of the heating up to 30.
Thankfully i only got a shock, rather than a punch (no wife in the car)
(It was dark, new car, what more can i say, oh, i didn't turn it down that much either ) |
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JONNO
Div 1 Pro
Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Posts: 9031
Location: Up North
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Davey C wrote: |
| Men. When listening to the stereo, turn it to the volume you desire, then down 3 notches. This saves your wife having to do it 2 minutes later. |
You just don't know how true that is.
Back to the driving..
Ladies: If you drive with both hands on the wheel, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man for instance only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow drivers and then cut them up. The rest of the time he needs the hand to change a radio station, hold his beer, ring his mates, or  his girlfriend in the passenger seat. 
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I was being chased by a police dog last week, and made the mistake of trying to escape through a little tunnel, over a see-saw and through a hoop of fire. It finally caught me as I was weaving in and out of some sticks. |
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Davey C
Div 2 Pro
Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 5745
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 4:31 pm Post subject: |
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| JONNO wrote: |
| Davey C wrote: |
| Men. When listening to the stereo, turn it to the volume you desire, then down 3 notches. This saves your wife having to do it 2 minutes later. |
You just don't know how true that is.
Back to the driving..
Ladies: If you drive with both hands on the wheel, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man for instance only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow drivers and then cut them up. The rest of the time he needs the hand to change a radio station, hold his beer, ring his mates, or his girlfriend in the passenger seat. |
Re: the stereo. Having spent the last two weeks driving around with girlfriend in the passenger seat, I have had a glimpse into the terrifying future my tip predicts, believe me. 
Edit - I should also add, when she's driving, anything more complicated than driving in a straight line and the radio goes off.
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